What! I’m Unfriended!

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Social Media is an interesting place. It’s where I play with kindred spirits and those I enjoy being connected to. For me, it’s a happy, joyful place where I have fun, discuss an interesting topic or two, and get the opportunity to share a positive vibe. But … it can also be a very superficial and confusing place ~ a place where ‘friendships’ are sometimes not what they seem, and where emotions and strength of character can be tested.

Facebook particularly, being so social, can easily become a place of confusion and upset, because, it can exacerbate the ‘what’s wrong with me’ feeling. When we get cast out into the ‘unfriended’ wilderness by someone we interact with regularly, and for reasons which may come as a complete surprise to us, it’s especially confusing. Of course, it’s happened to all of us at one time or another. But given there are those who are negatively affected by it, and who question themselves because of it, it’s important to not cloud the waters with emotion, particularly when the reasons are somewhat dramatic.

As an example, I recall an en masse unfriending, the reason for which was to cast out the distrusted ones and the troublemakers! Now the first thing that comes to mind is paranoia, but I won’t go there! Suffice to say, if you saw that, and were the one being unfriended, it could give you a bit of a jolt, especially if you weren’t the dramatic type. But in reality, the opposite was actually more accurate in this case. The person doing the unfriending was in fact the one who always had the problems, and talked about them a lot! Get the picture? Some people will always create a problematic lifestyle. So before you start feeling bad about being unfriended, ask yourself ~ who has the problem? And if it’s not your awesome self, do you really need this person in your life? You probably don’t, so stop questioning yourself and stop feeling bad. Life has a way of sorting these things out, even in social media!

Friendship in social media is actually a huge misnomer. Most of your Facebook friends aren’t actually your friends. Some will of course become your friends, just as in ‘real’ life some people will become good friends, but most are acquaintances we share a moment with here and there. No one can have hundreds of friends ~ it’s simply not possible! And acquaintances, as we all know, come and go. At the end of the day, unfriending is just part of the social media experience, and should never, ever be taken out of context.

So make sure you stay centred in knowing who you are ~ don’t feel inadequate, and definitely don’t take it to heart when you are unfriended for a reason that doesn’t make sense. The person unfriending you probably doesn’t even know the real you. So leave it alone. There is nothing wrong with you. Don’t sell yourself short, and be strong enough not to waver when social media friendships go astray. In fact, go out and find a real-life person, and have a coffee with them instead.

The bottom line is, it doesn’t matter what you think other people may think of you, and why they do what they do. Who cares! All that really matters is what you think of you, and what you do. If you are happy with yourself and like the person who you are, the ups and downs of social media ‘friendships’ will not matter.

Inara Hawley © 2014

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