Be Understanding

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When someone misunderstands your good intentions, whether it is a comment or an action, it’s hard not to have a knee jerk reaction, especially when it’s unexpected. But when you put your brain into gear and think about it, you will realise the other person has misunderstood for their own reasons, which more often than not you know nothing about. Your good intention may have hit a nerve, pushed a button, not agreed with their standpoint, but it is their issue, not yours, so don’t get upset.

Sometimes we get a chance to explain and sometimes we don’t. Sometimes it resolves and sometimes it doesn’t. However, if you do get a chance to explain, and it still doesn’t resolve, step away ~ don’t press the issue. Let them sort it out in their own way, in their own time. We can never step into anyone else’s thoughts or walk in their shoes ~ we simply don’t know where they are coming from unless they are willing to tell us.

So send a kind thought, and just let it be. We don’t all flow with each other’s energy in perfect harmony, but we can all learn from each other and be understanding. As the Chinese Proverb says ~ Be not disturbed at being misunderstood; be disturbed rather at not being understanding.

Inara Hawley © 2013

Letting in Freedom

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As much as we all want to work out any issues which arise in our life the best way we can, and of course we should always try, when we become stuck in an unresolved place, that is when we have to start doing some serious work on letting go.

To do that we have to come to two basic realisations ~ first, that we are actually holding ourselves in a negative thought pattern, and second, that we have the power to release it. So, how to do it? I call it ‘space and replace’. Ask yourself how much unwanted space the negative thoughts and feelings are taking up in your life, and then, think about anything better or more productive you’d want to replace them with. It’s a bit like making a wish, and it comes true when you choose.

So what’s more important? Hanging onto what’s making you unhappy, or choosing to feel good? Remember, it takes a lot more energy to hold on than it does to let go. And when it happens, when you finally decide to let go, then suddenly everything that was weighing you down simply doesn’t matter anymore ~ the energy is released, and you are free.

All the defensive thoughts and justifications just dissipate. We don’t have to protect ourselves any longer. It becomes so easy to ignore the issue that was bothering us. We literally stop holding on and walk away from it without a backward glance, and what a good feeling that is … there’s nothing better than letting in freedom with love in your heart. I don’t know about you, but it always makes me want to fly!

Inara Hawley © 2013

Over The Sea to Freedom

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After the Second World War, the International Refugee Organisation improvised shelter wherever they could for Displaced People. Primarily this was in military barracks, but also in hotels, castles, hospitals, private homes and even in partly destroyed buildings. By the end of 1945 there were literally hundreds of DP Camps throughout Europe, controlled and managed by the Americans and the British. As people found homes refugees were consolidated into fewer camps which meant a lot of moving. While the immediate concern was to provide shelter, nutrition and basic health care, conditions were generally harsh with restricted rations and curfews. All refugees came to these camps not only emotionally broken, but physically debilitated. Having experienced terrible hardships, including lack of food, personal hygiene and medical care, they also had to deal with the after effects of oppression, constant fear, terror and even abuse. People were often sick, lice-ridden, traumatised and very suspicious. But together they made the best of it; their personal experiences became a shared experience, and community spirit prevailed. Camp residents set up churches, choirs, newspapers, sports groups and schools. They also organised song festivals and wherever possible people picked up their trade or profession and began to work and teach others. They were filled with high hopes and anticipation. My parents and I were amongst those displaced people, and this is the story of how we arrived in Australia.

Ulm Refugee Camp

Refugee Camp in Ulm, Germany

My Latvian parents met and married in a refugee camp in Germany. As much as they would have wanted, they could not go back to a Latvia ruled by Communists. So after months and months of waiting, and months and months of moving from camp to camp we were finally accepted by Australia. All countries accepting refugees after the Second World War had strict rules and regulations, and one of the regulations for Australia was that a child had to be two years of age. I was not yet of age, so we had to wait, and we had to keep moving ~ we lived in a constant state of preparedness. This of course was very stressful, especially with a baby, for we never knew what the following day would bring. And moving was never easy ~ we were loaded into open trucks with only what we could carry, often at night in wind and rain. When a camp couldn’t take us, we stayed in the trucks overnight covered with blankets. It wasn’t easy trying to feed, change and settle a baby in the back of an open truck filled with strangers. At times there was no food or water, let alone clean nappies; survival was a day-at-a-time experience, and my parents got through every minute of it. They found the strength and the faith to go on, to do their best, to give and to love. Yes, it is always at the hardest of times that the human spirit shines the brightest.

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Enjoy What You See in The Mirror

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Beauty is in the eye of the beholder ~ that is a very true statement. We all have our own idea of what beautiful is to us, and it includes what we think about ourselves. I’m not talking about vanity ~ I’m talking about genuinely seeing our own beauty. However, if we do not love who we are on the inside we will never see it.

Without a doubt beauty emanates from within ~ from the beliefs we hold about ourselves and how we allow ourselves to feel because of them. If you believe you look good, that your smile lights up the world, or that you have great hair, the person you see in the mirror will feel good, will have a beautiful smile and will have great hair. When you believe in yourself, and believe yourself, it’s easy to celebrate the image you see in the mirror. Remember, there is no one else exactly like you!

So enjoy what you look like. Never allow an image of what you think you should look like to manifest as better than the real you ~ take pleasure in what you see, and make it fun. I do! I’ve spent decades straightening my hair, and I loved it ~ it was a great look, but about a year ago I decided to let it do its own thing and stopped blow-waving it. And I can’t tell you how much I’m enjoying my grey curls. Some days I literally skip down the hall to feel the bounce!

So appreciate everything that you are, including what you look like. And don’t ever forget to enjoy it ~ I for one, don’t pass a mirror without giving myself a wink and a smile.

Inara Hawley © 2013

Clothes Do Not Maketh the Woman

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Inara HawleyI have never been a great follower of fashion. I buy what I like and what I need, and if I really like it, I often buy two of the same thing so I don’t have to shop again for a loooong time. That doesn’t mean I haven’t done the glamour thing or worn fabulous clothes. I have. I have even made the grand entrance wearing super long earrings and a low cut number, and I enjoyed every second of it. I looked fabulous, and it was loads of fun! But as far as fashion goes, the truth is I refuse to be a slave to it.

In the heady days of dinner parties (fortunately floaty caftans were all the rage so looking glam was very easy!), I recall a function with a group of women where one pouty beauty leaned in and asked me if what I was wearing was a ‘so and so label’. Well, stuffed if I knew ~ I hadn’t ever bothered to look at the label! Like all of my clothes, it was a department store purchase. But geez, it was a great feeling to know that I must have been wearing it so well that it elicited a comment! That being said, I have had my day buying up to my heart’s content in an exclusive boutique.

Like most girls when I was a young thing I loved my lippy, glossy nails, sassy clothes and had hair the colour of a flaming sunset one week and ruby highlights the next. I even used to paint my toenails, but oh how things have changed, and in looking back, it’s easy to see when and why they did. First to go was the makeup and nail polish ~ studying herbal medicine was more important but then I’ve always had good skin so it didn’t make much difference, then it was the sassy clothes ~ being a busy young Mum put paid to that and quite frankly I liked my hippy handmade clothes heaps better at the time, and then it was the hair ~ that was easy as I have no trouble cutting my own hair, and I’ve never been a big fan of going to the hairdresser!

So, as I walked my different paths I cared less and less about creating an impression with what I looked like and more and more with what I did … but back to my day in an exclusive boutique. In the early late 70’s and early 80’s Hubby and I travelled a great deal, and we would always stop over in Singapore on our way home for a bit of shopping ~ Hubby bought handmade shirts, and I bought shoes. On one such trip, which Hubby did alone, he rang from Sweden and in his expansive way, asked me to join him in Singapore for a week, but with one proviso ~ I was not to bring one item of old clothing with me … he wanted to see me in a whole new designer wardrobe!

Melbourne Cup OutfitYou see, it was a celebration as we had just sold a business and the trip was the handover, so I thought, right ~ I’m up for it! It’s something I’d never done before, but off I trotted to an exclusive boutique. And as was my way in those days, I got everything done in record time ~ I marched in and went to town! Everything, but everything I bought, was a designer label. And all of it was gorgeous! The sales girl couldn’t believe her luck … it was like the scene in Pretty Woman ~ I walked out with bags and bags of designer clothes.

It was the one and only time I ever did it, but I wore those clothes for years. It just goes to show, that well-made classic designs are forever, and really don’t have that much to do with what’s in fashion. And yes it was fun ~ all of it was fun. Even my hippy clothes were fun, and that’s what it’s really all about ~ enjoying yourself ~ something I’ve always seized with both hands and done with great gusto with all my heart, no matter what I was wearing!

Inara Hawley © 2013

Who’s the Boss?

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Have you ever lost it? Have you ever let loose with a barrage of words without thinking about what spilled out of your mouth? I think it’s happened to most of us at some time in our lives. So the next question is: How did you feel afterwards? Sorry? Embarrassed? Defensive? Could you have said it a whole lot better had you taken a moment to think about it first?

I bet your answer is yes, yes and yes! We all let loose sometimes, but when we do, we should ask ourselves this question: Who’s the boss here? When we’re in reaction mode we’re definitely not the boss. Reactive behaviour is based in emotions and shuts off our thinking processes. It controls us. When we choose to respond however, that’s a whole different ballgame ~ we are choosing a considered thought. It is the result of purposeful reasoning.

Reactive behaviour is really just a bad habit, and some, unfortunately, are stuck there. We’ve all come across reactive people ~ those who want to punch someone’s lights out or rant and scream. Road rage is a typical example, albeit extreme. But the difference between reacting and responding can also manifest in more subtle ways in our everyday lives ~ around the emotions we experience resulting from simple frustrations and annoyances. It’s important to feel and acknowledge how we feel, but it’s also important to take a moment to ‘consider’ how to handle them. We all live and learn, and having a reactive moment is part of learning ~ it’s an opportunity to train ourselves to respond.

If you’re having trouble with any kind of reactive behaviour, ask yourself: What emotion is getting in the way of responding? If you listen, you will hear the answer. So be honest with yourself. If you find yourself falling into reactive behaviour, work on it. Yes it takes training to change it, yes it takes being mindful and yes it takes time, but it is so worth it.

When you know how to slow down, de-stress, assess and respond you will become the master of your world. It’s very empowering when you make the choice to consider your words and actions. Responding works for you, reacting works against you. Don’t let reactive behaviour rule you. When you choose to respond you will find life will be more collaborative, more productive and far more pleasant.

Inara Hawley © 2013

Simple Choices

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Keeping it simple has almost been a mantra in my life. For as long as I can remember my aim as an adult ~ from about my mid twenties ~ has been to rise above the drama and intensity, and later, to dispel the need to figure out every little thing.

And so, I made a concerted effort to create inner peace. I used to liken it to living in the eye of the storm. I focused on choosing simple, blissful peace over drama. That’s not to say that I didn’t go there as a young thing. Of course I did! Intense drama is part of pushing the boundaries and finding out what we are made of. But here is where I get on my soapbox, and it’s the reason for my post today ~ drama is not something which needs to go on forever.

The words ‘authentic’, ‘real’ and ‘raw’ (a word I particularly dislike) are often used these days in regard to personal growth of the dramatic kind, particularly on social media ~ even to the point of judging those who are positive as being non-authentic and not real. Well I am here to say that those who are positive are just as real and authentic. The difference is they share what inspires them. They have nothing to prove, justify or demonstrate. They don’t focus on complicated drama ~ they share what they have learned and integrated. And from my experience, I can honestly say that that is the truth of it, because it’s exactly what I do ~ I define myself by what I’ve learned, and that’s what I share.

I appreciate that everyone has their own path, their own way of living and learning. We all have to work it out for ourselves, but really … there is no prize for making life dramatic or complicated. It’s time consuming and plays havoc with your emotions, feelings and your health! Constantly immersing yourself in the pain, frustration, resentment, hurt or anger affects every cell in your body. If you are angry for instance, you have an angry heart, an angry liver, an angry kidney and so on. Why do that to yourself? There is a much simpler way to deal with those emotions and feelings: acknowledge them, see the lesson and then choose a better feeling thought. I can promise you it’s a much easier way to learn.

And I can assure you, you will be rewarded for choosing simple ~ your vibration will be clearer, your mind will be more focused, your health will be better, and you will have more time to do what makes you happy. It’s just that simple.

Recently a social media friend asked if it’s possible to stay positive. The following was my response:

Only momentarily do I ever have a negative thought, and I appreciate it for what it is ~ a pointer. So yes, I am positive because there’s always something to learn. I’ve seen my husband through cancer and never once did I think he wouldn’t make it. It was very hard watching him go through it, but I knew he’d make it. After those kinds of experiences everything else is a first world problem. I’d rather have a laugh than take on a burden. The bottom line is that I know everything always works out. It took a few years of consistent practice to always turn my thoughts around. It’s a choice, and for me it’s not complicated. I don’t need to wrestle anything to the ground nor do I need to always figure out the ‘why for’s’. My intent is always good, and so it’s simple ~ I choose, and I trust. The big tests were my lessons, and I always knew it. But had I not been positive, I would not have learned what I needed to, and quite possibly would have had to experience the same lesson again and again. But once there, there is no way I was going to fall into the same hole again. Not ever!

Take it from me ~ you can train yourself to learn the lesson without drama and without laying yourself bare or feeling raw. It’s a simple choice. You can align yourself to peaceful, simple resolutions if you choose. You will still be validated, but it will come in a much easier way ~ with flow.

So why complicate life? My choice is to keep it simple, and to me, it’s very authentic and very real, and also very wonderful. To be honest, I’ve found it’s the simple choices which have resulted in the most real and lasting change ~ not the complicated drama … it’s so bloody exhausting! And as I’ve said a million times I’m sure, you get what you focus on, be it simple or complicated! Why make learning such hard work?

The bottom line of course is that we all do our best, and we’re all human thank goodness. My philosophy is: if you absolutely need to have a 5 minute tantrum and stamp your foot ~ go for it! Just make sure you enjoy every second and that it’s not the boss of you!  And remember, whatever you put out there stays there ~ every thought, every feeling and every word is an energy etched into the Universe. They say be careful what you wish for … I say, be mindful what you choose to think, feel and say. Keep it simple and you will receive with ease and flow.

Inara Hawley © 2013

A Trip into Town

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These days I am a real home body. The years of tearing around constantly doing and travelling, and being the boss person are over. I love being at home ~ it’s my paradise!

I also have no desire to change the world anymore either. Mind you, there was a time when I was close to being a placard-carrying activist! I think the only thing that stopped me was that I was so very busy, but I was very vocal. Hubby reckons I’m still vocal … but thank goodness, he also reckons I’m fair, bless his cotton socks!

The days of seeing the world through black and white eyes has long gone ~ it’s now a glorious range of colours. And today I know that any change I want to see in the world starts with me. I don’t fight against anything anymore. Resistance is my teacher, not my way of life. There is much that doesn’t matter nowadays ~ what does matter however, is goodwill, wellbeing and joy, which is exactly what I experienced today. I light up my little corner of the world with all the good-feeling joy I can muster, and so it is in our little town … today I experienced a dose of good-feeling small town joy.

Drive into TownWith our list of bits and pieces, hubby and I ventured up the road to our little township. It was a beautiful day ~ a blessing of course, but really that’s not the point. And before I go on, may I say that heading out with hubby is a favourite thing to do … but I digress ~ our first stop was the library, which is why I was out and about (you will never catch me going out just to do the shopping!). Anyway, our library is a fabulous place. We walked into a bubbling hive of activity. Children were bursting with smiles, mothers with prams were rocking their babies, and hellos and goodbyes were bouncing around the room as folk came and went. The place radiated easygoing pleasure.

Armed with our books ~ deep and meaningful sagas for me and a handful of who-done-its for hubby, our next stop was the nursery. Again, we were met with an easygoing vibe. Eager and helpful staff carried our purchases to the car as they chatted and smiled. Next stop was a look at the new Health and Wellbeing Centre ~ it seems that even in our small ‘give the man meat’ timber town folk want to see alternative therapists, which is great!

Walk Down MainstreetThen it was off down the main street to the supermarket. It was a bit of a walk, but it was such a pleasure as every single person we passed smiled and said G’day (yes, we all say ‘G’day’ in the country!). The supermarket door seemed to magically open when we needed to step through, and later at the checkout, I stopped for a second to look around ~ youngsters were being helpful with bags, I was telling the checkout girl how to get rid of her hiccups, folk were chatting across the aisles and the other checkout girl was punching the air and joyfully announcing to everyone she was off to lunch!

Notice BoardAs we packed the car I looked over at the local Notice Board, and as I have done before, I was amazed at the activities available for such a small town ~ various reading groups, a mothers group, pottery and craft, line dancing, a family history group, and many more … obviously a town that refuses to be bored! And as I have discovered, everything is done enthusiastically for whenever I enquire about anything, I am always met with an excited ‘come join us’ vibe.

Now today all of this goodwill could have been because of the glorious weather, but I don’t think so. Even on a cold winter’s day in town, the eyes I meet under beanies are friendly, and the faces I see are always smiling. Why? Because I’m always smiling! You see, when you smile for the pure joy of it, the whole world smiles with you. And even though my home is my paradise, today, it was a pleasure and a joy to be out amongst it. After all, paradise is everywhere if you have the joy in your heart to create it and the eyes to see it!

Inara Hawley © 2013

Live With No Regrets

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Do you have regrets?

Have you ever been in the position of not being able to say what was in your heart? For whatever reason, you couldn’t say the words which would make all the difference. What I’m talking about is saying those magic words, the ones which carry no regrets ~ ‘I forgive you’ and ‘I love you’.

One can say life is too short to be cynical, to worry, to stress, to hold onto anger, to not have a go, even too short not to buy those shoes! But most of all life is too short to have regrets. So please, don’t hide your feelings ~ don’t be afraid … say what is in your heart! Don’t waste your moments stuck in old habits or past hurts. Forget the spits and spats and tell those you care about that you love and appreciate them ~ you may be surprised how much it means to them and how right it makes your world feel. Don’t leave it till it’s too late ~ life is too short for regrets.

And know that just by reading this, YOU are also appreciated and loved. Don’t ever forget that, because you are amazing.

Shine bright,
Inara ♥

Inara Hawley © 2013

Celebration of Love

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Every year our small family of siblings and cousins gather to celebrate a special day ~ my mother’s birthday. She is the last of her generation, the matriarch of the family, but this year it was extra special for it marked her 90th year, and we came together to celebrate all that my mother represents … living and loving well.

My Mother

My beautiful young mother. Taken in 1941 when she was just eighteen.

Even though our beginnings in Australia were fraught with difficulty, we are a fortunate family. You see we are imports ~ post WW2 refugees. My parents, and my mother’s brother and his wife arrived from war-torn Europe.

They came to freedom, each with a baby in their arms, and while their hearts ached for the home and family they left behind, they made a new life.

It was not easy, but it was happy, and our family grew. More children, more cousins, grandchildren, and even great-grandchildren to further the story of our family.

Celebrating each other is an important part of how our family works, and we do it with a great deal of pleasure and joy. My mother‘s 90th birthday was no exception.

So … what can I say about my special little mother? Having spent most of her childhood alone in a hospital due to tuberculosis of the spine, planting solid roots and creating a family is what her whole life has been about.

And she has done it very well. Married to my very happy-go-lucky father, life throughout the years has often been a roller coaster, but she has been steadfast. With her feet on the ground, she has kept our family strong.

My beautiful ninety year old mother

My beautiful ninety-year-old mother.   The queen in our family!

Mum learned from a young age to live by a set of rules. Refined, patient and particular by nature, she loves order and cares very much about doing the right thing.

While Dad brought excitement into our lives, Mum brought her kind heart, her compassion, and her loyalty. She has always been guided by her heart, and the older she gets, the more important it becomes.

She believes in God, in Angels, in the Great Good and in miracles. She loves a laugh, loves being right, can get very feisty, and without exception, will argue the point.

And, she’s a worrier.

But all you have to do is ask anyone who knows her, and they will tell you she touches them all with her kindness and wisdom.

And she gets back in abundance what she gives. Everyone loves her. Frail and struggling with her health now, she manages to get through her days with a determined smile.

She loves her garden, which my brother lovingly tends and makes more and more beautiful just for the pure joy of bringing her pleasure. My sister is also very close to Mum. Being the baby of the family, they have their special bond. As for me, Mum and I are very good friends. We speak every day and discuss everything from politics to religion, the treasured memories, and of course, life and death.

My mother loves nothing better than a good chat. Ask any of her grandchildren. She’s a great listener and she gives great advice.

Mum having a cuppa

Mum with a cuppa enjoying her flowers on the day of her 90th Birthday.

She has been through so much in her life, worked so hard. She is brave and courageous. She is determined and strong. And she is honest and true.

Living by her high standards has not always been easy. But thankfully, the boundaries between black and white have blurred somewhat over the years, and these days, she is much kinder to herself.

And now she relies on all of us. It is our turn, and our privilege, to make her life as good as she has made ours.

Preparing Mum's Lunch

Preparing the Birthday Lunch with my siblings

So, as we have done in the years since she became the matriarch, we came together once again to celebrate her birthday. The weather was perfect, the food was wonderful, and the family was relaxed and happy.

The day hummed with love and goodwill as we all caught up with each other’s lives. Mum, as usual, gave her emotional rambling speech, loving us all with her words and her tears.

And with gratitude, we all accepted this as the blessing it was, from an amazing little lady who celebrates love every single day of her life.

Inara Hawley © 2013